4 Reasons Parenting after 40 is Better

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I always wanted to be a mommy.  As long as i can remember.  I am an only-child, and planned to have 8 children.  Yep! 8!  Well, that changed.  After college, I thought, “well maybe 4 kids”.  Then the years passed by, and the decades.  And my dream of having ANY children was almost out the window.

My husband  has two girls by previous relationships.  When we met the girls were around 3 and 4, and when we married in 2011 they were 9 an 10.  My husband knew i wanted children.  And we figured that we would have at least one.  But, it just did not happen.  Finally in 2014, I talked to my doctor about my fertility.  She was encouraging and agreed to run a few test to see if there was a problem.  I was scheduled for a laparoscopy to see if I had any issues that was preventing me from getting pregnant.  My doctor said women often get pregnant shortly after the procedure.  She equated it to wiping away the cobwebs.  And she was right, we were pregnant the very next month.

 

Sadly, we lot our little one a few weeks into my pregnancy.  It was devastating.  I will always remember the doctor’s appointment when I found out we lost the pregnancy.  I simply said, “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord”.  I wasn’t prepared for the loss, but I knew it was a real possibility.  I had been struggling with my hormone levels from the start.  Yet, it was still an almost out of body experience when the doctor whispered, “I’m sorry.”

After grieving, I did have a little hope that our piping was working, and maybe it would happen again.  I was renewed in my efforts to get pregnant.  We did all the TTC (trying to conceive) things that couples do.  I will spare you the details as there are many, many articles and blogs about the subject.  But as the months rolled by and turned into years, I was disheartened again.

Finally, after another laparoscopy and months of two different fertility drugs, I was done.  I was tired of “trying”.  All the focus on calendars, drugs, body temperature, etc. took the fun out of spending the time with my husband, and it was adding undue stress to us both.  Anthony and I discussed it.  He was truly on board with whatever decision I made.  So, I was done. No more charting, pills, standing on my head…None of it.  We discussed possibly adopting after the girls finished high school in a few years.  And then, it happened… Once I finally, turned this whole thing over to God, and relaxed, it happened!  We were pregnant! I was pregnant, and 42!

8 months pregnant and 42!

Pregnant women over 35 have geriatric pregnancies.  That’s what my chart said anyway. Geriatric pregnancy.  At 42, no children, and a miscarriage in my history, I was treated with kid gloves.  I will admit, I liked the extra monitoring, and ultrasounds.  My pregnancy and delivery were pretty routine.  My water broke when I was at home, we drove to the hospital, where about 7 hours later our beautiful girl was born.

Funny thing about being older parents, people ask us if we are her grandparents all the time.  Some just assume that we are the grandparents.  Grandparent often talk to me about how much a joy they are, and all the things they love to do.  Sometimes i let it slide, but usually, I  slip in the conversation that she is mine!  You should see the looks.  Anthony, is the clever one.  When people assume he is the grandpa, he corrects them by saying, “Nope. She is mine.  Just call me Barney Fife, because I still had that one bullet left in my pocket”!  Everyone usually just laughs, unless, of course, they are too young to know who Barney Fife is.

But seriously, being an older parent has its pros and cons.

 

  •  Stability. While we don’t have a lot of money, we are better off than we were 20 years ago.
  • Solid foundation.  Anthony and I had been together for about 11 years when we got pregnant with Faith. It was clear that neither of us were going anywhere.
  • Been there done that attitude.  We don’t feel like we are missing out on anything. We have partied, and partied, and oh yeah, we partied before we had Faith.  Now, it doesn’t matter that our Friday night version of Netflix and chill is to watch Shrek for the 357th time and be in bed by 10 (Faith is a night owl)
  • Patience. It’s not that younger parents don’t or can’t have patience.  Of course they can, but for me, I think I have even more patience than I did when I was younger and don’t get aggravated.

Now for the cons:

  • ENERGY, ENERGY, ENERGY.  Oh my goodness.  I am in a perpetual state of sleepiness.  It is rough keeping up with a toddler.  She is like that pink bunny, that keeps going, and going, and going.  She is also a talker.  A true chatty Cathy.  Faith began speaking in full sentences well before her second birthday.  Her vocabulary is very extensive for her age.  But, at 11pm at night, I do not want to have a conversation about why her baby doll and her toy owl have to go to the doctor.
  • Mortality.  No one wants to talk about this one, but it is true.  Our daughter is 2, My husband turned 50 earlier this month and I will be 46 in December.  While, we all know that tomorrow is not promised to any of us, it still hits home, that we most likely have less years ahead of us than we do behind us.
  • Loneliness.  Let me explain this one.  Neither of us are lonely.  We have our friends, family, and definitely each other.  But, most of our friends our age are grandparents.  They are done raising kids.  Their conversations are full of adult topics. Me? I talk about having accidents at daycare, kid-friendly dinners, and dance class and gymnastics.  We have met other parents through the daycare, and other activities that Faith is involved in, but I don’t think they really want to hang with us.  After all, we are old enough to be their parents!

It wasn’t  my plan to be a geriatric mommy.  But I am so glad that I am.  Life with Faith is so rich.  I barely remember what I did before her.  I sure hope that is because my life is so wonderful, and not because my memory is starting to go too….

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